But they took, uh, about 40 rhesus monkeys, listen to this experiment… about 40 rhesus monkeys, and they put this steel confining apparatus on them, they couldnt move their arms and legs, put electrodes in their brain, make em comfortable right out of the JUNGLE, to this, right? This time they reused the same exact commercial about bribing your way to becoming an ambassador. Let me repeat it for you: crowded audience of hostile, slightly narrow-minded people up there in that little… It’s a 17-year-old kid trying to play an old man, you put on that quick palsy shake [hands begin shaking] that a bad drama student does to look old in a hurry, you know? Where you goin’, Jewboy, high holy day?” You know, just what I needed. No votes so far! Good for about nine claps at Alfred University. Welcome to our show. Robert Klein: [to camera] AND well be right back after this filmed message! Um, I went there because they had a wonderful brochure, uh, with handsome people walking on the campus carrying books [poses like a happy student walking and looking upward] with nice writing underneath it: “Walking on the campus carrying books is a favorite pastime of Alfred students.” Suckered me right in there. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. Robert Klein steps onto the stage when I instantly realize that I was thinking of Kevin Klein when I first saw the name as being next on the list. I swear he's been a guest on one of the comedy podcast that I listen to but I couldn't find him in my search, I did discover that Wikipedia said he was the next Dylan of his time which led me to believe this was real deal badness. It was a beauty, you know, really, healthy-looking people walking on the campus with books, you know… [grins broadly and stares upward while pretending to hold an open book] In brochures, people always look up at the future, like this. This is – You know, it’s been a little bit of time since I’ve done the show last, and…it was so disorganized. I thought that was going to be the whole concept of the sketch until the photographer kind of fell into the background as the suspect comedically admits to every aspect of the crime. Haaaaaaa, haaaaaaaa. You know, its sort of easy, to, uh, get…, Robert Klein: Well, I went to a small school in western New York, called Alfred University, and, uh, I went there because of the brochure more than anything else. Audience applause] Tell ya what. And these monkeys–they weigh about 18 pounds each–these monkeys had to smoke their body weight in marijuana every day for four months. Saturday Night Live Transcripts Season 3: Episode 11. You know, of course we were serious about it, we didnt–look at the freak on page 238! Jew-boy! Get him!” [Pretends to run away and be chased by people with dogs] “He’s up by the fraternity house! It’s a very rural, farm, little community, and this was quite a few years ago. Robert Klein: Loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping. People really treated him badly. I get to the dormitory from a bus ride, and they take us into the dormitory and [moos]. Sure, there may be some tiny details that don't line up, but that's due to evolution and upgrades. I love science. Plus, the Lovejoy College Guide said they would accept you if you were in the top 83-percent of your class, which was… [laughter] The brochure was nice. You realize you actually didn't learn anything in your 20s and you want to share this with every 20-year-old that you see yourself in. [Applause. It's kind of amazing how every decade seems to look down on the newer decades, glamorize their own lot in time and despise the elders at the wheel for falling into the same traps as the generation that they once despised as well. Have not a Jew hands, organs, senses, dimensions, affections, [begins the palsy shake] passions?” Palsy shake. Robert Klein: Well, I went to a small school in western New York, called Alfred University, and, uh, I went there because of the brochure more than anything else.It was a beauty, you know, really, healthy-looking people walking on the campus with books, you know… [grins broadly and stares upward while pretending to hold an open book] In brochures, people always look up at the future, like this. Robert puts the cape around his shoulders]Â I like an easy multiple choice. And those of you who remember the old play, Shylock is the old Jew in the Shakespearean play, and no one likes him. I did one of the first ones and no one knew what they were doing, and you can decide for yourself tonight after this many shows. As I said, my favorite sketch was the one for the price sticker gun, but I also really liked the history of the bees and also like the Muppet sketch that triggered this new trial favorites layout. [Applause. This is followed by the Garrett Morris hearing impairment bit that is becoming the staple closing combo. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. For example, he was much more irritable…. Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Klein! This was followed by one of my favorite sketches of all time, and we enter The Olympia Diner … Robert Klein steps onto the stage when I instantly realize that I was thinking of Kevin Klein when I first saw the name as being next on the list. I think I always equated acupuncture to being a silly voodoo practice, so I laughed but for the wrong reason.
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